Miserable At Best
by TheJoker'sGotMyHeart
Summary: She was broken, hanging on by a thread, and he was the one who pulled at them. She didn't want him, she didn't ask for him, but the Joker didnt care. He wanted her, and that's all that mattered. Joker/OC Slightly Dark R
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey Everyone. I've restarted this story. Its basically my last one, When Sanity Isn't Enough, but better. Same character, same basic plot, but this time the story is more thought out and MUCH better written curtousy of my Beta-reader, MissMaddhatter! So please read and review, i promise it will be well worth your time.

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_There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness._

_ -Carl Jung_

The sun began to rise in all its glory, painting the sky with rich pinks and purples. The darkness was almost completely gone by now but it left behind a sense of emptiness that seemed to cling on to everything in its path. Both powerful and suffocating, the foreboding yet temporary atmosphere made it almost impossible to breathe.

I jumped down from my seat on the dock with a heavy sigh, walking purposely towards the boardwalk. It was quite early so everything still remained silent and peaceful besides the sot chirping of crickets, the faint twilling of birds, and the quiet splashing of waves as they made contact with the sandy shore.

I stopped briefly to take a good look at my surroundings and couldn't help but notice uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. It was the same feeling I experienced every other morning I had come here.

The city around me was lovely but you didn't have to look hard in order to see its flaws. Once you noticed that its beauty is what made it so deceitful in the first place, you might have second thoughts on whether you considered it 'lovely' or not. The beauty, to be honest, never lasted very long.

Only in the wee hours of the morning, when even the most notorious of its criminals settled down to rest, was this city's real time to shine. This is when the streets were basically deserted and the noises that usually filled them were almost completely gone. If you didn't know any better, it would be easy to believe the lie.

I knew the truth along with every other citizen in Gotham. We all knew that our beloved city was considered to be one of the worst in the entire country. That is why most people tended to keep their distance or leave as soon as possible if not for just themselves but also for the sake of their families. Nobody planned to stay here too long or even contemplated on making a life here. It was merely one stop on the merry-go-round on life that they had to take before leaving, yet again, to venture somewhere else.

You see, the thing about Gotham is, if you don't leave…the darkness will take you and that's not just a myth, it's completely true.

People eventually lose themselves both mentally and, yes, physically. They are completely cut off from reality and slowly disappear, leaving behind something else in their place. Some end up dead, lying in some dark alley, others go stark raving mad and then the rest…well…the rest leave willingly.

They don't think they have a choice because their plan to get away from Gotham is foiled and they find themselves stuck in a place they definitely do not want to be. That is yet another problem here. Once you arrive, it's almost impossible to go back. Life becomes harder and people just want to give up. They give in to the darkness's demands; the ultimately go bad in general.

These people never intend on turning to the dark side and eventually, when they do, not all of them like it. They do it in a desperate attempt to survive and care for their families. Yet why they do it does not matter; not really. It is the fact that the city drove them to do it, which is what matters.

What I am trying to say is, Gotham is like a flesh eating disease. It slowly eats away at you in an attempt at testing your strength, to determine whether you should live or die. In its wake, it gives out every possible opportunity for disaster. What is the point in fighting disaster when it strikes? Well, to be frank, absolutely none.

I have yet to be claimed by this city or at least I don't think I have been…yet. My plans were to simply get by, then get going and step back onto the merry-go-round of life. I had just finished college at NYU, and moved here to secure a job at Wayne Enterprises. Eventually, I was planning on getting a better job somewhere else but, as I've said before, this city has a way of keeping everyone hostage.

So, as I stood here, observing Gotham city in all its majesty, I could not help but feel uneasy. It was the fact that so many awful things occurred here and that everyone here was powerless to stop them. If it weren't for most of the cops being in on the deal, then the victims might have had a chance.

The city was, in one word, hell and so many people were doomed to its everlasting flames every day, each minute, one tick of the clock…

A gust of wind blew across me from the ocean and, as I breathed in the salty air, I let myself come back down to reality. Today was a Friday and I had work at nine which left me with four more hours of free time. I really wanted to stay but I knew I had to go. After all, too much of a good thing will turn bad.

I walked to my car, a small blue Toyota Camry, and fished through the pockets of my pea coat to find my keys. That, in itself, seemed to be a huge task for me. I was always terribly unorganized and had lost almost everything at some point in my life. In fact, these were my third pair of keys in three months but, alas, I found them; thank god.

Opening the door, I slid into my car, and put the key in the ignition, shivering at the slight temperature change. I tried to start the car but it refused, instead spluttering oddly and just dying.

"Great job, Hannah." I mutter sarcastically to myself, stepping out of the car and walking to the hood, lifting it up even though I had no idea what type of abnormalities I was looking for. I had never had my car break down on me before and , obviously, the underside of the hood was a foreign place to me.

I was really getting frustrated. I had a broken down vehicle without any idea of how to fix it and the only person I knew who had knowledge in the area, I did not want to bother. It was also, however, too early to call a mechanic.

All I could do now was with wait or start walking; both looking unappealing. I was exhausted by walking for at least an hour before but the thought of sitting in my car for a few hours made me nervous. The crazies would be out soon and I didn't want to be present when they did.

I took a deep breath and closed the hood, taking a step back. I decided to wait it out for an hour or two. I had my ipod and my copy of A Tale of Two Cities that had seen much better days, so I was set for quite a while. But as I made my way back to my car door, however, there was a loud bang and my windshield obliterated into millions of tiny glass shards.

I dropped to the ground in shock, pressing myself against the door of my car, and pulling my knees to my chest as I attempted not to hyperventilate. There were foot steps in the distance but they gradually became closer, an estranged giggle echoing around me. I immediately knew who it was…

He had been on the news so many times this months, it was almost inhuman. It still surprised me how someone so willing to let himself be seen was so hard to get caught. I guess he had some of his goons in the police force; it really wouldn't surprise me.

The guy was still giggling as he slowly rounded the corner, stopping about a foot in front of me. I refused to look up partly in fear and partly because I was too entranced by his purple shoes, his crazy colored socks and purple-colored trousers.

The Joker stood there, watching me intently, chuckling every now and then without uttering a single word.

I had seen his image so many times on the news but being here with him, in person, was completely different. His face was covered in messily applied white paint; some parts of it were faded and smudged so that faint patches of skin were showing. His eyes were as black as cool and the black spread all the way up to his eyebrows, making his eyes appear more surreal than they actually were.

But what really stood out were the jagged scars extending from both sides of his mouth, giving him a smile that would never disappear no matter how hard he tried. They were covered with red lipstick, exaggerating them to an extreme. It proved that he was definitely not trying to hide them, if anything , he wanted them to be seen.

"Why, hell_o_ there, b_eau_tiful." He commented loudly, besides the small distance between us. His lips twitched into a slight smirk as he licked them, looking at me expectantly.

I had been staring so I tried to look away but as I did so, I felt him grab me by the arms and pull me roughly to my feet.

He pushed me against the car, his hand flying skillfully to his pocket in search of his switchblade; his signature weapon. I tried everything I could to keep myself together at this point and I wonder, vaguely, what this mad man wanted with me.

I whimpered pathetically as I felt the cold blade press against the side of my lips, a few tears escaping in the process. The Joker didn't put too much pressure on it but I knew that with one false move, he would carve my face to match his. That is something I did not want to happen to me. He still had that smirk on his horrifying features and his eyes danced with amusement at my obvious panic-stricken expression.

"It looks like your, _uh_, car broke dow_n_. Do you need some a_ss_i_s_tan_c_e?" He said to me, his voice brimming with amusement as he pressed the blade harder into my skin. I restrained a yelp at the sharp pain and felt a stream of blood trail down my face, some landing in my mouth. The coppery taste made me want to gag…but I just couldn't.

This was it; this was how I was going to die.

I knew this city would be the death of me, I only wished it wouldn't be at the hands of the Clown Prince of Crime. I have so much more to say! I can't fade away…I can't… not yet…

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I Personally hope you enjoyed this :] Please Review.


	2. Hurtful Memories

A/N: Hi Everyone. IM SO SORRY for the not updating thing, my Beta was working very hard and now its ready :] I'm happy with the reviews, but please continue. If you really like the story tell me and i'll continue (: Anyway, Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Sadly, all i own is Hannah Dawson, and the plot.

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_" If you lie, you dont deserve to have friends. If you lie you don't deserve to have them."  
- Newport Living_

The Joker still had me pressed up against the door, his knife digging into the soft skin of my cheek. As the pain started to become almost intolerable, he withdrew it and giggled in satisfaction.

The blood ran down my neck teasingly, the warm liquid sliding over my skin with an agonizing slowness, leaving a trail of crimson in its wake. However, I couldn't relish in the absence of the blade for long. The Joker, who was practically crushing my arms with his strong grip, dragged me from the car and led me towards the dark areas of the docks. The places that never caught even a glimpse of the light.

I knew that I would have bruises later by the way he was grasping my arm. Even as I whimpered and cried at the pain, he still dragged me behind him with brute force, quickening his pace slightly.

The closer we got to the suffocating darkness, the more I tried to fight. I fought with all the strength I could muster, kicking, pushing and scratching to my heart's content but to no avail. It was like it had no effect on him whatsoever but I had to get away.

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It's not my time; it just can't be!

The Joker tightened his already bruising grip on my arm, snickering at my distress and mumbled something to himself. We were getting closer to the darkness; what lay beyond that point was a mystery to me. However, I did know it wouldn't be good.

It seemed like ages since we began walking but, in actuality, it hadn't even been a minute. I still fought him, wailing on his arm in a desperate attempt to break free. I was hoping that he would get tired of my struggles and just give up. Of course, my hopes, as always, seemed to be just out of reach.

Finally, I stopped and just fell limp. My knees scraped along the pavement, blood oozing from the cuts and running down my pant legs. The pain was excruciating but I couldn't let myself ponder over it. If I did, I would be overcome by it.

My eyelids drooped close and everything was starting to turn black. The Joker, however, decided to drop me unannounced and I opened my eyes in shock, looking around for any sign of light. I was instantly saddened because all light had disappeared, leaving me in a foggy daze. I could only make out shapes for any detail was lost along with the light.

The Joker was skipping around me, humming a lively tune and twirling something, which looked dangerously like a knife, in his hand.

I watched apprehensively as he circled me about three times waiting for him to say something; anything. The pain coming from my neck and knees were agonizing, but I tried to block it out. My hopes were crushed once again as the agony overcame me and my head started to feel heavy. I slowly lowered my head and then the rest of my body, until I was lying on the ground completely, sobbing tears of anger anguish and distress.

"W-What d-do you want f-from me?" I cried weakly, my voice breaking numerous times. I was afraid of his answer, but I needed to hear it all the same.

He stopped dead in his tracks, cocking his head to the side as he looked towards me. His white face paint was standing out in deep contrast with his dark red lips. I couldn't decipher anything else about him in the dark.

"You? Aha ha. What do I want from you? Oh, that's simple, doll face. I'm just in need of a friend. Everyone, uh, need friends, am I right? Why must I be the only exception? Hmm?" He replied to be in a scolding manner, as if he was the teacher and I was the incompliant student. As he spoke, he took a few steps forward, leaving only a few feet between us. I tensed in response to the closeness, silently wishing that this was all just some silly nightmare…

I really wanted to get up and run but my body thought otherwise. It was lifeless and, therefore, I couldn't move. I mean I could barely form coherent thoughts let alone get my body to act accordingly.

The Joker took advantage of my state of being as he closed the gap between us, leaning down to where his face was inches from mine. I could smell his rancid breath sweep across my face and I scrunched my nose in disgust. His breath alone was enough to make me gag but the look of his rotting yellow teeth made the feeling intensify. I tried to turn my head away from him but he grabbed my chin with a vice like grip and so I had no choice but to look at him.

"So, uh, what's your name, toots? Mine's Joker but you can call me Mister J." He said smiling toothily, and giggling like a little school girl who had just been awarded a gold star. He told me with his eyes to speak and, somehow, my I was able to form words. Maybe that was because his grip on my chin was softer than the one he had on my arm.

"M-My name's Hannah. Hannah Dawson." I whispered confidently, my voice stronger than the first time I spoke. He seemed satisfied with my response and pulled me to my feet. The problem was, I could barely stand. My legs shook violently, and the aches rocketing throughout my body made me want to vomit.

I couldn't help the strangled cry that escaped me and I found myself falling. My ears were pounding something fierce and just when I thought my head was going to smash into the cement …something stopped me. I looked up to see what it was and saw a pair of purple gloves holding tightly on to my shoulders, and a painted face grinning down at me.

I smiled a bit, ready to thank him, but before I even had the chance, I began to fall…again.

The Joker released me from his hold and let me fall on to the pavement as he laughed wickedly at my situation. My head hit the ground with a crack and my eyes welled up with tears as I touched my head, immediately feeling the warm, sticky blood on my fingers.

The spot was extremely sore and when I went to look at my fingers, I saw they were coated with burgundy blood. The pain in my head overwhelmed me, creeping into every little crevice of my mind. I couldn't breathe and couldn't think about anything but the agony I was going through at the moment. If my body had shut down before, it was now my head's turn to follow the same path.

As I let those last glimmers of consciousness slip from my view, I heard a malicious cackle let loose by the mad man himself.

One thing I was certain of; he really was a joker.

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"Hannah, wait up!" Will shouted from behind me, trying to catch up. I had run ahead of him, hoping to get to the beach before he could. We always raced to the beach and, usually, he won. For once, it looked like I was going to win; finally.

"Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!" I called back to him with a laugh, reiterating what we had just finished reading to his little sister. I could see the beach on the horizon and as I pushed myself the last fifty feet, he passed me. I huffed in anger and ran even faster but it was a lost cause. He beat me; again.

" I beat you Hannah Banana!" He taunted in a sing song voice, lifting me effortlessly into the air and twirling me around. We both grew dizzy and fell to the blanket of sand below us, giggling breathlessly. The only noises to be heard were of our heavy breathing and quit washing of waves as we lay there, intertwined in each other's arms.

" I love you, Hannah." I heard him whisper, and I looked up into his green eyes with slight shock. He had never said that before. Of course, I always thought he loved me but hearing him actually it was a completely different story.

My cheeks grew red, as did his, and he looked away in obvious embarrassment.

" Will… I love you too." I replied softly, pulling his face towards mine. We just sat there for a while, looking into each others eyes until he leaned in closed, and our lips met an instant fire.

The kiss lingered on, deepening with a passion we had never felt before. We stayed close friends for a long time, but it wasn't until this summer, the summer of our junior year, that any feelings had developed.

The sun began to set, giving off colors not normally seen during the day, and our kiss faded.

" You know, every time I see a sunset, I see a story that can't seem to find a logical meaning. It's kind of like it releases all of these colors in confusion, not knowing if it should set or if it should stay high in the sky. It always seems to remind me of a rhyme I learned when I was a kid." He said suddenly, and I smiled up at him, my eyes dreamy and amorous.

" And what rhyme is that?" I asked, honestly interested in what he had to say.

" I don't remember the name, but I remember how It goes. Would you like to hear it?" He asked warily and I could see it in his eyes that he didn't want to bore me. He seemed worries that I would reject him for it but how could I?

"Of course I would." I said sweetly, nodding me head in encouragement. He cleared his throat and leaned himself on his side, facing me with an equally dreamy expression.

" One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, and ran to save the two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man… he saw it too." His voice was like velvet, soft and smooth, and in a way, the rhyme made sense in an eerie sort of manner.

I was too deep in thought to speak and he took it the wrong way, thinking I might have found it distasteful.

" Yeah, I don't know. Its just some rhyme that has stayed with me throughout the years." He said looking away and getting to his feet hastily. He walked towards the splashing water and looked out to it thoughtfully.

I got up too, walking up to him and wrapping my arms around his waist in a caring gesture.

" That was a beautiful rhyme. Really, I loved it." I said into his head seductively, nearly jumping just to speak into it properly. Will say me struggles and turned around, pulling me into his arms lovingly. We kissed again and when our lips touched, I knew our love would last forever.

Why must the good die young?

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I woke up with a start, bolting upright and grabbing my chest breathlessly. My heart was pounding and a cold sweat had developed on the back of my neck. I hated having nightmares, the nightmares of things past.

I had to let it go; I had to let _him_ go.

I felt a throbbing pain pulse throughout my body, and the ache made me wince in discomfort. Slowly, I laid myself back down, feeling slightly better. The pain had somewhat diminished and I refocused my attention on my surroundings.

The room was entirely made of cement and it was pretty small. The walls were caked with graffiti ranging from declarations of love, to appalling profanity. The bed I was laying on was more of a cot ( which stood about two feet off the floor), one white pillow, and a thin ( Equally white ), sheet was also included. Beside the cot was a plain wooden nightstand

The time was 11:37 AM

Even though I had just slept for six hours, keeping my eyes open seemed to be a hard task in its own. This was especially true with no form of entertainment to keep me awake.

That's when I heard door creak open…

" You're awake! Finally! I was, uh, beginning to think you were gonna sleep forever… and what _fun _would that have been? None; none at all." He mused, partly to himself ashe made his way over to me, and I sat rigidly on the cot. I backed myself against the wall and pulled my knees to my chest, despite the pain, and waited for him to continue.

He cocked his head to the side as he smacked his lips together, giving me a curious look. All of a sudden, he jumped, landing stealthily on the bed before jumping back down toh lean against the wall beside me.

" I think its, uh, time to see how _fun _you really are." He whispered dangerously into my ear as he bit it playfully, bursting into laughter as I cowered away from him. The Joker gave me one last look before taking himself, and his insane laughter, out of the room and locking me in it once again.

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Hope you liked it. If you did, please review. I need them if you think i should continue :]

Review (:


	3. Curiouser and Curiouser

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A/N: Hello(: Sorry for such the long wait, and i promis ill be updating much more frequently now. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, and more are always appreciated. I also can guarante that the more reviews i get, the quicker i update so plea continue on reading and reviewing. Anf if you want to see a picture of what i picture Hannah looking like, i have it up on my profile. Anyway, without further adieu, chapter 3!

_Disclaimer: Nope. Still own nothing._

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_Cheshire cats that always grin  
Love to play games full of sin_

Lurking in back alleyways  
To lure their victims into a daze

Leading them through a tiny door  
Into a world of colors galore

Where hookah tubes exhale smokey rainbow streams  
& giant mushrooms mute their wretched screams

Weaving through a garden of hearts  
Their journey will end before it even starts

At the end of the maze awaits the queen  
Who's far from making the beauty scene

Her majesty screeches "Off with their heads!"  
& their decapitated bodies fall dead

_- Alice in Wonderland Poem_

I stared at him in horror as he skipped his way back to the bed, his signature knife dancing in his fingers.

My back was already pressed up against the cold wall behind me, but I tried scooting back nevertheless. I had no idea what thoughts were playing around in his mind, but I had a feeling they weren't good. Nothing the Joker thought about ever had a pleasant ending.

I pushed myself back frantically, my hands sliding along the mattress. My pulse was racing, and a cold sweat dewed up on my palms, making them clammy. This was a really bad time for this to be happening. I mean, I was just starting to piece things back together, just starting to hopefully move on. But this city couldn't let that happen.

Just when everything seemed to take a turn for the better, it was all taken away in the form of the Joker. He swooped in and ruined everything before I even had a chance to make it right. And now I was surely going to die. Die in a slow, drawn out, grueling process. The thought alone made my skin crawl, and my stomach churn.

This was it. My final moments, if only I knew what to say.

The Joker giggled, his laugh echoing off of every surface within the room, filling my ears with nothing but his shrill laughter.

There was no where for me to go anymore, every chance I had of escaping was long gone and now, I had to meet my fate. The Joker was on the bed now, only feet from me, his knife still placed in his hands, and his giggles coming and going in short bursts.

He was looking at me, his kohl rimmed eyes piercing through my own, leaving me with an uneasy flutter in the pit of my stomach. What did he want from me? I'd do anything to get out of here, to get away from this monster, to be free.

Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled out, blurring the form of the looming Joker sitting in front of me. And seeing this, he inched closer. He kneeled in front of me, leaning down to eye level, and smiled eerily.

" Aww. Shh shh. Don't _cry_ precious. There's uh nothing to cry about… yet." He said, his voice sounding condescending, and filled with amusement. I had nothing to do but cry more, and the Joker ran his gloved fingers under my eyes, catching the tears.

His gloved hands making contact with my skin made me panic, and I tried pushing him away weakly. I knew it was no use but I tried anyway. And my weak attempts amused him further.

The Joker took my hands in one of his and pulled them over my head, holding them against the cement wall behind me. With his other hand he continued to wipe away the tears, and in turn my tears ran out. After a few minutes I had cried myself out, and my vision cleared.

He was still staring at me, his eyes glittering with delight and his tongue slid across his lips silently. Moving his hands from my face, he placed his finger to his lips. The tears I had shed were on his fingers, and he placed them in his mouth, tasting the salty liquid.

During this whole process, his eyes never left mine, and I felt as though I was in a trance, unable to turn my gaze elsewhere. And I'm sure he knew what he was doing the entire time.

The aches going through my body intensified, and it hurt to just sit here, with my legs held tightly against me, it hurt to even breath so I let my legs fall until they were lying flat against the bed, taking away some of the throbbing pain I felt earlier. But the pain I was harboring inside, it was still there.

The second I let my legs drop, I heard the Joker snicker and the trance broke. I shook my head back and forth slightly, and looked anywhere but his face, resting my gaze on his torso.

The Joker laughed louder this time, and moved his free hand under my chin, pushing it up so I was staring into his eyes once again. Then, he spoke.

" So Hannah darling, what do you say to a little _play_ date? Hmm. I'm _dying _to get under your skin, to find out what makes you _tick.._" He giggled, leaning down until our noses touched, and his hot breath fanned across my face, still as repulsive as before. And I tried to pull away, hitting my head against the wall. A sharp pain shot through my head and I screamed in agony.

My head was still sore from my previous fall, and I could feel the warm, sticky blood spill out from the wound once again.

I wanted to cry, to let out all the pain but I had no tears left, and I had no one to blame but myself.

I wanted to blame the Joker, I wanted him to be the reason my life would soon be over. And it made sense, it was easy to say it was all his fault, but it really wasn't. I had gotten myself into this, I had been at the docks this morning, I had given him the perfect opportunity to bring me here.

It was my fault, not the Joker's. Hell, nothing he did was really his fault. He just does what he does best, and that is to create chaos, upset the established order, and show this city how cruel it really was. But it was us, the people, who felt what he was doing was wrong. In actuality what he was doing was right, at least by this City's standards. We were all coming and going through life, why not make the most of it.

There's no point in getting to the end of the road, unless you've enjoyed the journey.

The Joker still held my arms in one hand, and my face in the other, and he was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to say or do something, anything, but I couldn't form words. I was frozen in fear of what was going to happen next. The Joker was unpredictable, unstable, and uncaring. There wasn't much one could do when he has set him mind to something, if only I knew what exactly that was.

The Joker sighed dramatically and shut his eyes, moving his hand from my face to the bridge of his nose and punching it in an aggravated manner.

" You're no fun Hannah. Come on, I know there's uh something in you, something that reminds me of myself. I can see it in your eyes, no matter how uh hard you try to hide i**t.** You can-t fool me, _darling._" He growled into my ear, wrapping his hand around my neck, and squeezing aggressively.

My breath was cut off and I gasped heavily, trying to get it back, but it was no use. My arms were still being held in a vice grip about my head and I couldn't free them. I tried using my legs to kick him off but the pain was too much, and the lack of oxygen to my body made them grow heavy, weak.

A numb feeling spread over me, like a blanket, and I started to drift.

My eyes closed, and my body went limp. But I wasn't gone yet.

I felt the Joker drop his arm from my neck, and my eyes flew open as I gasped for air, choking on it. The air I took in burned my throat and made me gag, but I needed the air, otherwise I wouldn't come back.

The Joker, watching my struggles, laughed maniacally and rolled onto his side, pulling me down next to him. His body shook with laughter causing the bed to shake with him, and I found it increasingly harder to breath. But as quickly as his fit of laughter came on, it stopped and he smiled at me, showing his rows of yellowed teeth.

Repulsed, I looked away only to feel a sharp metal blade to be pressed against my pale, vulnerable skin. But before I could react, the Joker rolled himself on top of me, straddling my waist. He had let go of my arms, but they could do little to help me now. I tried unsuccessfully to wriggle away but his weight was too strong. So I just sat and waited.

Wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution that would never come.

I gave up, and he took advantage, leaning in closer to me, his knife still sitting at the base of my throat. He was giggling softly, tracing his nose up my throat, over to my ear, and burrowing his nose in my hair. I felt him take a long intake of breath and just laid there, motionless. There wasn't much I could do now anyways. Why fight a battle you cant win?

He moved his face from my hair, up my jaw to my lips, where he brushed his scars over them gently, giving me a chill that ran through my entire body. And I felt him smile in response.

His knife began tracing circles around my throat, not breaking the skin but coming dangerously close, and I closed my eyes in expectation. Only, he never pressed harder, instead he ran the knife down, over my shirt and back up.

His lips came close to mine once again, and this time he kept them there. He began kissing me, his lips begging for entrance, but I wouldn't give it to him. This was one game I wouldn't let him win, no matter how bad he wanted it. I wouldn't let this city take me.

Feeling my reluctance, he growled and pressed the knife into my stomach, slicing across my abdomen roughly. The pain rocketed through me and I tried to scream in pain, only his lips stopped me.

By now, I had to fight, no matter how useless it may seem, I had to try. Giving up was making a choice, a bad one, and I wouldn't break the promise I made to myself, and Will. I had to keep fighting, had to keep living, so one of us was living.

I used my hands and tried prying him off of me, pulling at his hair and punching his arms, but he was strong. Because of my struggles, he got a hold of my arms and pinned them by the side of my head. He was angry, I could see it in his eyes, but there was also laughter and amusement lurking within them as well.

The Joker's grip on my wrists were bruising, but this only fueled the last bit of adrenaline I had left.

Without thinking, I thrusted my knee upwards into his groin and pushed him off of me, onto the floor. He was on the floor, laughing and groaning as he tried to ease the pain, and I jumped off the bed towards the door. I was feet from freedom, and I could taste it but when I turned the knob of the door, it wouldn't move. I tried again but it was locked, and without a key it wouldn't open.

I spun around quickly, searching for a window and I found one. It was above my bed, and was rather small, but it was a window nonetheless. I ran to the bed and climbed onto it, making sure the Joker was still preoccupied, and jumped up. I grabbed onto the window sill and tried prying it open, and after a few moments it worked. A rush of cool air blew into my face and a smile spread across my face. I was free.

Using the reserved strength I had, I pulled myself up, and half my body was out the window when a strong hand grabbed my foot, pulling me back into my prison.

" No!" I Screamed as I clawed at the ground, and pushing myself out further. But the Joker pulled even harder. I kicked and pulled but in the end I lost the battle.

The Joker pulled me back into the room, and I fell onto the bed roughly. The hard cot wasn't very soft, and didn't to much to soften the fall, but that was the least of my worries.

The Joker was fuming, and as he turned me over, I saw that his painted face was livid. I could almost see smoke fuming from his ears.

His knife was in his hands, but he didn't use it just yet. Instead, I felt a hard fist smash against the side of my face, and I rolled off of the bed, onto the floor. My hands flew to my cheek, and the skin throbbed. That would soon bruise.

But before I could recover, the Joker began kicking me in the stomach. Over and over again without mercy and I cried in pain, the tears began to flow and my screams got louder. With every kick he gave, I couldn't help but scream and cry. The pain made me want to pass out, but at the same time it was too hard to even imagine that being a possibility.

The Joker was mumbling to him himself angrily as he relentlessly kicked me, but after a few minutes his kicks slowed, until they stopped altogether. He was breathing heavily, and was still furious, but instead of hitting me anymore, he bent down and scooped me up, placing me back onto the bed.

I didn't want him touching me, but there wasn't anyway to get him to stop. So instead I just cried, letting go of all I had been holding onto. The only thing I could think about was the pain, no matter how hard I tried to think otherwise. The Joker placed me down, then sat down next to me, playing with a piece of my hair.

" Now Hannah, don't try to sneak away from me again. 'Cause I would have to punish you again, and I uh really don't want to do that precious." He said scoldingly, but I just continued to cry. My stomach was sore, bruises were already forming, and the Joker had no remorse. A minute ago he was fuming and now he seemed composed, satisfied.

He was even humming to himself as he twirled my blonde hair in his gloved hands. And for a second I thought I saw something in his eyes, but in a second, it was gone.

The Joker grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me with him to the door, opening it roughly. He looked down at me, smiling his Cheshire cat grin, and planted a wet kiss on my lips before dragging me further through the maze of halls

" I knew you were fun doll face." he said to me, giggling.

" But now its time to make you _mine._" he sang, quickening his pace. My stomach killed, and my legs were still weak. Every part of my body felt like jell-o, and everything around me seemed to spin. The walls blurred in and out of focus, and nothing seemed to be what it should be.

I could see a door at the end of the hall, and I was being dragged to it, but before we made it to that door off in the distance, the pain overtook me sending me in a downward spiral of unconsciousness.

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

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_Thats was chapter 3. I really hope you liked it, and i hope you all still want me continue. I promise now that my other storye, What Doesn't Kill YOu is finally finished ill be able to dedicate more time to my other stories such as this so yaa. Review(:_

_Adieu.  
TheJoker'sGotMyHeart_


	4. A Feeling of Helplessness

_A/N: Hey everyone. Sorry i havent updated in forever, but school has been crazy and ive been extremely busy. But im back now!(: This is one of my main projects along with She Had The World and The Heart Of The Ocean. PLease continue reading and reviewing, they mean so much to me. And you guys are the only reason i continue writing. Anyway, enjoy(:_

_Disclaimer: Nope, still dont own Mistah J:/_

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_"__...perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once beautiful and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something **helpless** that wants help from us.__"  
-Rainer Maria Rilike_

There was a loud buzzing. Buzzing, and a sharp pain in my right wrist. I couldn't open my eyes yet, but I knew It was bad.

I tried moving my wrist, but it wouldn't budge, and the as the buzzing got louder, the pain worsened. I let out a yelp of pain, as I continued trying to move but my whole body was paralyzed. I couldn't do anything, I was trapped inside my body unable to connect with the world around me, and that scared me more than anything.

The stinging pain in my wrist continued, feeling like fire in my veins, and soon the numbness holding my body hostage began to subside. I was finally in control of my body, and my eyes shot open as the pain deepened, causing me to scream in agony. My eyes shot to my wrist, which still wouldn't move, and I was reunited with the Joker.

" Why hello there." he said to me, bent over my wrist. He held a needle of some sort in his hand, and it was connected to a machine. His eyes met mine for a moment, and in a flash they were back focusing on my wrist. And it was then that I noticed it.

There, on my wrist, in thick black ink, was an intricately written J, and I panicked.

" Wh-What is that!" I nearly screeched. Motioning with my other arm to the newly formed tattoo on my wrist. The Joker had just removed the needle, turning of the machine, and he was smiling profusely.

" It's just a little uh _reminder _so you know who ya be-long to. And that's _me._" He spoke menacingly, holding my wrist in his hand, admiring his work. And I had to admit, it didn't look half bad. But what it represented shook me to the core.

The Joker turned his attention to me, looking at me, waiting for something. Like he was expecting me to thank him. Like this was a favor he was doing and I should be glad. But as much as I would have loved to scream and cry and struggle, I had nothing left in me to do it. So instead, I simply nodded, which pleased him enough.

His expression brightened, and in one swift motion, he threw me over his shoulder, and practically ran down the hall. Where we were headed, I didn't know.

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I stood there, just staring out my wall length pent house window, looking down at the city below me. The sun had set hours ago, and the lights of the city shined brightly, almost turning the bleak night into day. Almost.

The Joker was back on the streets, reeking havoc and causing chaos, and I knew I would soon follow. I had to be out there, to help the helpless, to save Gotham's soul. Before its too late.

" Master Wayne?" A tired voice asked from behind me, and I turned to see my butler, Alfred. His eyes were full with exhaustion, but he hid it well. It was late, but he stayed up with me nonetheless. His voice was filled with anxiety due to the fact that I had been out almost every night looking for the Joker, not succeeding once, but I instantly felt guilty.

" Alfred, your still up I see.." I said to him, uncrossing my arms and walking away from the window, towards him.

" Yea Master Wayne, indeed. As are you. Do you plan on going on a sweep across the city tonight?" He asked in his soft British accent, and I merely nodded, turning my attention back out the window.

" Is that really necessary sir? Can't you take a break? Everyone needs a day off, even Batman." he said concerned, stepping closer to me, anxiety etched onto his features. I couldn't help but feel distressed. I hated putting such stress on Alfred, he was the only family I had left, and I didn't show it enough. But I had to go out, it was my job as Batman. I had an obligation to this town. I was this city's savior.

" I have to go out Alfred. You know that." I said to him, walking away slowly to get ready, but he spoke, stopping me.

" No Bruce. I understand that you feel the need to go out and roam the streets, but just take a minute and think about it, think about yourself for a moment." He pleaded. His worry was plain on his face, but I couldn't listen.

" Alfred, I have but this is something I have to do. And people think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either." That were my last words as I walked down the hall and out of sight. Letting one silent tear slide down my cheek.

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" So uh, why were you wandering around the docks at such an early hour this fine morning?" The Joker asked me seriously. He was leaning back in his desk chair, resting his legs up on the desk. His knife was in his hands as he twirled it around, that signature bright red Cheshire Cat grin on his face.

We were in a different room this time, a room I assumed was his, and he threw me down carelessly. Before walking to his desk where he resided now.

I had crawled onto the messily made bed, the black comforter rumpled and folded on the mattress, and it practically took the breath out of me. Since then, it had been silent and the Joker's sudden question caught me off guard.

" I was just um enjoying the view." I lied lamely, and the Joker saw right through it. I heard him scoff loudly before he got up and stalked towards the bed, pulling me up by my hair.

He spoke as he dragged me over to the chair he had just been sitting in.

" Ya know Hannah. I really _hate _liars. And they uh tend not to last long in my presence-ah. Understand?" He growled into my ear as he threw me the desk chair which spun around once before the Joker stopped it, leaning down menacingly.

" _Now-ah_ tell me the truth." He spoke severely, anger seeping into his voice, and a lump grew in my throat as I tried to hold back tears.

" I-I go there everyday. I g-go to remember, to forget, I don't know. I r-really just go there to feel something, anything. E-even if it's pain." I stammered nervously, choking back my tears.

The Joker stared at me expressionless before speaking.

" Huh." he said. " Was that so hard?" he asked mockingly, before pushing the chair back aggressively where it hit the wall with a loud bang. The sudden stop caused me to fall out of the chair, where I caught myself with my arms. Not such a good idea.

My arms were still bruised, along with the rest of my body, and my arms did nothing but scream in protest.

I fell on the ground hard, and curled into a ball o the ground, holding myself together, but when my arms went to my stomach, I felt something strange. Instead of feeling a bloody cut up mess, I felt a large amount of gauze.

Shocked, I lifted up my shirt, and I was right. Someone had patched me up, and covered my cuts with gauze. The only person I had been in contact with these last 24 hours was the one person who had caused me all this hurt and pain. The Joker.

I feebly moved my gaze up to where he was perched on the desk

" I uh believe you've got somthin to say to me, correct?" He droned, tilting his head to the side. His eyes twinkled with amusement, and his tongue darted along his bottom lip expectantly.

It took every once of my being to say those two words to him. Those two words that would give him the most satisfaction in the world. The two words that would break me.

" T-thank you." I whispered, looking down at my stomach. And I heard him giggle.

" What was that?" he chuckled, smirking. I looked up and saw he had placed his hand behind his ear, pushing it forward. Acting as though he would be able to hear better this way.

I rolled my eyes, but replied anyway. " Thank you." I said a little louder this time, at average speaking level.

" _Hmmmm? _What was that? I'm a little uh hard of hearing you could say." He said between giggles. Almost rolling off of the desk because of it.

He was really pushing it, but what was I going to do about it? Was I going to freak out and start beating him up? Yeah right, so I can get my ass kicked once again, no thank you. But I still didn't quite hide my anger.

" I said, Thank you!" I said loudly, my voice coming off intensely aggravated. And the Joker noticed.

" Hmm. A bit touchy I see." he stated, jumping off the desk, and walking towards me. He held out his hand for me, and I eyed it apprehensively. I wasn't exactly sure what was up his sleeve.

He sensed my nervousness and rolled his eyes. " Oh Hannah. Silly little naive Hannah. I don't bite, or at least I uh wont, unless you want me to." He giggled and winked. Grabbing my hand and pulling me up without my permission. Once upright, he placed his arm over my shoulder and walked me over to the bed.

I sat down, and he followed, pulling me closer to him on the large, and surprisingly soft, bed.

" Ahhhh. Isn't this _comfortable._" He asked me, glancing at me sideways. His hand was digging into my shoulder roughly, and I whimpered out a yes, and he was content with that answer.

Seconds passed, and the seconds turned to minutes as the silence lengthened. My eyes began to get heavy, and I felt myself dozing off on the Joker's shoulder as he hummed an unknown tune. Soon, I couldn't keep my eyelids open any longer, and I felt myself falling backwards, only I wasn't falling.

The Joker had began leaning back until we were both lying on the bed together, with me almost sleeping on his shoulder. That was, until, I heard a loud shot echo throughout the entire room. I shot up into a sitting position, ready to scream, when I felt a hand clasp over my mouth.

The Joker had gotten up to, and was keeping my mouth shut, his other hand holding the gun. And as I saw the gun, a cold sweat dewed up on my neck. His hand slowly moved away from my mouth, and he was giggling in my ear, his face inches from mine.

" I uh _Knew_ that would get ya up." He snickered, placing the gun back into his pocket, and I cursed him in my head. That had practically scared me to death, I was ready to run for it, an it had all been one big joke!

I looked the Joker in the eye, furious, when I noticed something.

His eyes held an eerie gleam. They were hungry, and he was looking at me differently than he had before. His eyes glided down to my lips and further, and hi licked his lips feverishly.

Before I could register his sudden change of emotion, he lunged at me, pinning down against the bed, my arms trapped at my sides.

His lips were hungrily, taking control. His lips caught mine, and he began working to get me to comply. But I wouldn't. he grabbed both hands in one of his, and used the other to keep my lips connected to his, and yet, I wouldn't give in.

Growling, he wrapped his hand around my neck and squeezed.

Once again, my air supply was cut off, and I felt my limbs growing weaker and weaker, not to mention to indescribable pain this caused due to the previous bruise already formed on my neck.

_So that was chapter 4! I hope you all enjoyed it and hopefully, you'll review(: Please do, tell me your likes and dislikes and let me know how im doing. THis chapter may be a bit sloppy, but im just trying to get a chapter out to you cause you all deserve it. Thanks!(:  
Review!_

The Joker liked this. He liked my vulnerability, and he was getting exactly what he wanted. Soon, I could no longer stop him from letting his tongue enter, but by then, I was gone.

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_Adieu.  
TheJoker'sGotMyHeart_


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